Hey friends, in today's email we will be discussing:

I'm back: Why you didn't receive any newsletters in the last couple of weeks?

Healing from narcissists: What insights I got from working with a narcissist and how this podcast helped me heal?

Reset and Recharge: Why I Took a Pause from my Newsletter

It’s been a while since you’ve gotten a newsletter from me. I wasn’t able to send anything for 5 weeks! This is a long time, especially as I’ve been sending emails for a long time now. But, as you’ve been able to read before, I put my mental health before anything else.

The last couple of months have been difficult for me, and I am okay with sharing that. We had some issues with our apartment, which meant that we had to sleep on the couch for 4 weeks (this was a stressful time). Then, when we got through this, I got covid for the first time. I wasn’t able to work the full period, but I had a positive attitude. I was convinced I would get over it and was able to get back into it.

It took my body 2 weeks to get over covid. I was happy, but then my partner got covid. I thought I wasn’t getting it the second time, but after a week of not feeling sick, I got sick again. This lasted another 2 weeks. I was done. My body was done and mentally I was drained. I couldn’t wait to feel better again and enjoy spring/summer. The moment I felt better, I got back to work. I was excited. I had already stopped writing emails, as I felt that I needed to focus on myself first.

I then had a small mental breakdown when I got food poisoning the first weekend after getting back from covid. I felt defeated. The weekend was the moment that I could finally be myself again. I made plans to hang out with friends again, as I wasn’t able to do anything like that. But I got food poisoning, so that wasn’t happening. I broke down.

When you read this, it might not sound that bad, and I agree. But when you’re living your life a certain way and aren’t able to do that for a longer time, it will get to you. This made me decide not to write a newsletter for a couple of weeks. I first wanted to work on myself, before sharing insights on things that I’ve learned to help others. And that is kind of what this is too.

It’s okay to not always feel good. And some people will tell you to just keep going. I don’t agree with that approach though. The fact that I got sick a couple of times in a row made me think. My body was telling me something. I need to take some rest. The first couple of months of this year were stressful, but I never really took a break. So my body made sure I got one.

Now I am feeling a lot better and am excited to write again! When you start feeling like something becomes a chore, stop doing it for a while. Find the motivation again. We all need to listen to our body, physically and mentally. If you don’t take the time yourself, your body will take it for you.

Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse with Expert Guidance

In my last newsletter, I talked about narcissistic leaders and how to deal with them. Last week, I came across a fascinating podcast that helped me understand what happens after dealing with a narcissist. In the podcast “How To Spot a Narcissist and Heal From Them with Dr. Ramani Durvasula”, Dr. Durvasula will tell you how to heal from narcissists.

I’ve shared how I had to deal with a narcissist in my life. It was one of the worst times of my life, as this person made me doubt myself at every given moment. Getting out of the relationship wasn’t easy either. Dr. Durvasula talks about this struggle on the podcast. One of the things narcissistic people like most is control. The moment that you start to see through the tricks of a narcissist, they will try to do whatever in their power to keep you in the position that you were.

They will have their mechanisms in place to have that power over you. They feel superior to you. I will never forget that if I mentioned that I didn’t feel well (mentally), as I was working 7 days a week, this person always wanted to up me. If I felt that I couldn’t make a meeting during the weekend because of my other responsibilities, I was told how much harder it was for this person. I should just be able to do it because they could too.

This makes you feel bad about yourself and you start to believe it. But there came a moment where I was done with this person and I no longer wanted them in my life. I started to go against some of their mechanisms, as I knew exactly what they would do in every situation. Narcissistic people have a huge flaw: they start to believe that they are smarter than anyone else. Meaning that they think they can keep control over you. One day, I told this person that it was too much for me. I wanted out. But of course, I was being told they had it way harder! I shouldn’t complain that much. At that moment I told them that I wasn’t participating in a pissing contest. If they felt the same way, they could step out as well. This rocked their world. But for me, it felt freeing.

I no longer wanted to deal with this person in my life. I was always scared to pick up the phone when they called, as they would occasionally tell me that I was doing things wrong. The anxiety made me not pick up the phone from time to time.

But I wanted out! And after some back and forth, I was able to. But that process wasn’t easy. Also, as this was more of a business construction than anything else, I could simply leave. If this had been a family setting, it would have been a lot harder.

It’s hard to deal with narcissistic people in your life. And having them in your family makes it worse, as you’ll still see them from time to time.

Healing takes a long time (as acknowledged by Dr. Durvasula). Cutting these people out of your life is step one, but there will be moments when you’ll start to doubt yourself. You’ll start thinking that you might have been in the wrong. And before you know it, you’ll give them another chance. The worst thing is that it won’t get better, ever. You’ll give them a chance and before you know it, you feel depressed again.

The good thing is that over time you’ll feel better about it. Share your experiences with friends. See the look on their faces when you share your experience. Oh and don’t let anyone tell you that because they’re family you simply have to deal with it. It’s harder when it’s family, but no one, not a single person on this planet, should make you feel like sh*t.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist in your life, or you’re not sure, but you feel someone is controlling your life, have a listen to this podcast. It reaffirmed a lot of the feelings that I had.

Lastly, I wanted to share a quote from Dr. Durvasula that hit me: “Some people will accept a narcissist’s behaviour because they think that they are so smart, that their behaviour is justifiable”. I have had people telling me this exact thing about the narcissist that I was working with. They’re just enablers, nothing more.

Podcast episode(s) you'd love

• ​The Psychology Podcast: How To Spot a Narcissist and Heal From Them w/ Dr. Ramani Durvasula. Listen to Dr. Ramani Durvasula's (expert on narcissism) conversation on The Psychology Podcast to hear her debunk myths and discuss warning signs of narcissism in relationships. Learn how to heal and move on after being hurt by a narcissistic person.

Found any interesting articles? Please share them with me, as I am always interested in learning something new.

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